Boot Camp Reboot

For the first time in weeks - many many weeks - I went back to bootcamp at Positively Fit Lake Highlands. Walking through the door into the arms of beloved friends, work out partners and my instructor / mentor / friend, Mallory, was heaven!  Before my 8 week Utah stint, I was performing in a play for a month that had me out way passed my bedtime most nights. So my last real crack at bootcamp was in March. Its good to be back. There really isn't anything quite like 50 minutes of butt-kicking boot camp to make you feel like a badass.

The "I Did It" List

drove in a car for 21 hours with my father and two children

returned to my home in Dallas and was grateful for all the beauty that surrounds me

attended a two day golf tournament for Kenna's Kids

spoke at the tournament from my heart about Charlie and being a parent of a special needs kiddo

went to the movies and dinner with my Dad sans kids

did a photo shoot for Houzz.com

wrote two articles for Trulia (a new writing gig I've picked up)

did many loads of laundry

grocery shopped

ran a mile

went back to boot camp

Kayaking Up Stream

I have just returned from a three day weekend in Las Vegas where I was teaching an art and writing workshop at Selah - an art salon in the Fremont district. I had a marvelous time with the six participants who joined the class and loved working with the women who own and operate Selah. If you're ever in the Las Vegas area looking for something creative and uplifting, please check out their workshop calendar!  Here are some photos from our class, where everyone created a self portrait:

This is my last full week in Utah before heading home to Dallas! The time has flown. I've been thrilled with the quiet, the open space and the time to be with my little family. It's such a boon to run away every summer, peel off the daily appointments, medical meetings and hassles and live each day for itself.

After my last post, where I was feeling defeated and generally lost at sea, I received a few poignant emails from friends and readers. One in particular offered a beautiful message. I don't think she'll mind if I post it here, because it will benefit you just as much as it benefited me.

"I'm thinking more about the general struggle of it all (weight loss, health, etc). Here's what I think: its like swimming upstream. You can do it for a while, but it is exhausting and overwhelming and never ending. And eventually you tire and get pushed back downstream. But I think there is another way. When I was a kid my dad taught me how to cross a river in a kayak. You don't paddle straight there, you aim your boat in a diagonal so that the current helps propel you across. I'm sure there's a term for it. This is sticking in my head as a good metaphor for what I am trying to do."

I love this idea of allowing the river to help propel you in the direction of your goal rather than risking a full capsize by steering directly in the direction of you goal. My life right now is such that I cannot give 100 percent of my attention to weight loss. This, however, doesn't mean that I can't make healthy choices as I move towards my goal.

I am juicing. I am walking. I am resting well. I am creating art. I am writing. I am working. I am mothering my children. I am cooking at home. I am traveling. And I am following three or four other dreams as well. Through all of this, my weight is holding steady. I am going to let the river help propel me forward. Like my brilliant friend wrote above - "there is another way" than steadfast focus on weight loss.

The "I Did It" List

taught an art and writing workshop 

painted a self portrait

sold some artwork

visited with dear friends who I haven't seen in years

went on a date with my mother and shared a bottle of wine

drank green juice most mornings

cut down on my coffee intake

ate some lovely fresh food

drank lots of water

took a long walk

took my son to swim lessons

had a casting meeting with an artistic director of a theater

answered some important emails

got a raise with one of my freelance writing jobs

helped someone else's baby fall asleep

hugged a bunch of people

Courage, My Love

I know I'm not the only one who has felt this way. This is the situation: I had a great couple of weeks.  I ran. I ate well. I juiced. I could feel my body slimming down. My husband noticed the change. And all was right with the world. Then, a few days of poor eating, no real exercise, a frumpy attitude, grumpy kids, bloating, a trip to Dairy Queen (or two) and I feel like I'm back where I started.

I'm battling myself right now. I don't know why, which is tough because I usually do. I usually understand why I'm sabotaging my efforts and falling off the wagon. But right now, I'm at a loss. I know we've all felt this at some point, but for some reason, it feels shameful.  It's as though I know I'm supposed to be better. I'm supposed to have a handle on this. I'm supposed to be setting an example for my kids, right? Haven't I worked through this shit already?  Didn't I just knock out a 75 pound loss last year? Didn't I say goodbye to my crappy habits, emotional eating and self-worth issues from childhood? Wasn't that me?

Well. I'm trying to be here in the moment. I'm saying my mantras. "A day doesn't make a week and a week doesn't make a month." I'm slogging back through old inspirational posts from the blog but it's not really helping. I guess this is what they (the proverbial "they) call a funk. I guess I'm in it, eh? I'm in a funk.

Food Boycotting

After happily watching the widespread coverage of the March Against Monstanto on May 25th, I've been looking into corporate food companies that are... what's the word... oh yeah... BAD.  Here's a little chart on the Kraft Foods family tree.

Okay... small food politics rant is over.

Doing as I Please

The week has been slow and sweet. I've had lots of free unstructured time with my family. We've gone on walks, had bags of popcorn together at small town fairs and had ample opportunity to read, watch old movies and snuggle.  Idyllic in every sense.

All of this wonderful family time meant that I didn't really pay attention to my work outs or my diet.  I ate when I was hungry, I drank when I was thirsty and I slept when I was tired. Having the time to consider my own feelings and desires from hour to hour was pure heaven.  So, I would say that this was the healthiest week I have had in a long time even though I didn't "stick to the program". It was healthy because I sang my own song and let everything else lie silent.

The "I Did It" List

took long casual walks

slept in

drank green juice some mornings and others, coffee

had a date with my husband

went to a birthday party and drank a Manhattan before finishing the night with champagne

finished a book (this rarely happens in my life)

went on a dinner date with my 5-year-old - just him and me