Shedding My Armour

This loosing weight stuff is funny business.  Every morning I go for a walk and I have lots of time to think about the "why" of my weight gain.  Over the past two weeks, it has become clear to me that my weight gain is not the simple equation I previously imagined.   If you had asked me a few weeks ago, "Why are you so overweight?"  I would have said without hesitation, "Because I overeat and I don't move my body."  If you asked me the same question today, I would reply with the same answer and add "...also there are some past emotional factors that I need to work out."

I met with a Reiki healer two years ago who said that my excess weight was armour.  What exactly was I protecting myself against?  Its seems pretty clear to me now.  I had a romantic relationship when I was young that went sour.  I moved in with him when I was 18 years old.  We married and divorced quite quickly.  But in those odd and formative three years, I gained about 70 pounds.  That's a lot of weight for such a young body in such a short time.  I'm not saying that this early relationship made me fat, but it certainly created a toxic environment and wreaked havoc on my self esteem.  The Reiki healer was right - I was unintentionally packing it on to shield myself from this person. This isn't a sob story, its just a part of my life.  I think its time to move on.

My buddha babe husband just turned me on to this great organization and website called Self Compassion.  I think anyone in the process of loosing lots of weight (or even a little weight) needs to develop and nurture a healthy sense of self compassion.  Losing the weight is hard enough without berating ourselves for every little hick-up along the way.  You can even take their test - How Self Compassionate Are You?  It's hard work changing decades of mindless habit energy.  Its hard work to create a new story about how we feel, how we look and how we are perceived by others.  I don't know about you, but I'm ready to shed the armour.

P.S.  After two weeks of power walking, I am averaging 5,000 steps per walk.  That's about two miles a day!  When I walk in the morning, I notice that for the rest of the day, I feel more energized, lighter on my feet, less forgetful and better able to listen and receive energy from my three-year-old.  Who knew that walking every morning would make me a better mom?