Today was the first day of kindergarten for my oldest son and the first day of preschool for my youngest. It's a huge leap of faith sending your little ones out into the world, especially for my youngest who because of his stroke and cerebral palsy condition cannot walk or talk. There will be no conversations at the dinner table about what he did at school today. I will be a vigilant mother, but ultimately I'll have to trust that school went well and that he is enjoying himself and learning new ways of being in the world.
Also tomorrow, I begin a 7-day juice fast. I'm saying goodbye to solid food in exchange for a clean, green, power-packed diet of green juice. Everything today seems to be a big leap. A free falling life jump.
The "I Did It" List
sent my babies to school for the first time ever
ate fewer calories and the calories I did eat were high quality
cut out meat for the past three days
drank less coffee and replaced it with water
met a writing deadline for Houzz
stepped on a scale for the first time since August 6th only to find that I've lost 5 pounds
I went to bed on Friday night with the intention of rising early on Saturday to hoof it through the Undy 5000 5K I registered for a few weeks back. That was my intention. Instead, I caught up on some much needed sleep while my sainted husband took the kiddies.
This morning, I made up for my Saturday absence by attending my first ever run class at Positively Fit. I ran a little under 3.5 miles - and at 6am to boot. It was grueling, but it was also wonderful. I can hear you saying, "Wonderful? Right! What's so wonderful about that?" But it really was and here's why:
My life at home with Charlie (my darling Charlie who is battling tooth and nail against the effects of his cerebral palsy and epilepsy) is really shitty right now. He is frustrated and needy and the only way he feels he can communicate with us is by squealing. Its that same high pitched screaming piglet-style squeal that he's been doing since the beginning of September. It sucks all of the oxygen out of the room and leaves everyone in its wake with tears and a migraine. His screaming has me crying at every turn. I cried through boot camp class on Monday. I spent 15 minutes in the shower on Tuesday crying into a towel. I fell apart on my Chiropractor's table today. I'm just at a complete loss. So when I went running this morning, I was able to treat myself to a cool November breeze, the soft sound of foot fall and a quiet conversation with a running partner. My legs were killing me, but my world was quiet. For a brilliant 55 minutes, I had a little peace.
Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I have no plans. With papa out of town working, it's going to be a quiet day. At first I was feeling a little down about being on my own for Mother's Day, but now I'm feeling pretty lucky. My kids love me, they need me and they trust me to be present and connected. Tomorrow, we'll cuddle, eat yummy mommy-made treats, drink some green lemonade, call grandmas on the phone, play, sing and enjoy a Sunday together. Perhaps we'll get out for an early morning walk or maybe I'll lead the kids through a kid-centered exercise routine with my new resistance bands. What ever I do, I'll spend Mother's Day being a mother - a perfect way to spend "my" day. What are your Mother's Day plans?
We're down to the last 8 weeks of my Smaller Sarah year. I cannot believe how quickly its flown by. I'm so close to my goal weight and I'm really pleased with the slow pace of my weight loss this year. I figure that if I take it off slow and steady, it will be easier to maintain a healthy weight for the long haul.
It's been another tough week. I've been working my patootie off just to keep my head above water these past two weeks. Hubby has been out of town and I've been on deck, watching a friend's children while she works. Don't get me wrong, they're great kids! But four children and no partner is a tall order. There was a moment this week when my four-year-old collapsed on the couch, let out a huge sigh and said, "We need Mary Poppins." He was right.
Even with the craziness, I still managed to make it to boot camp twice this week, complete a 1,000 push-up challenge, run my fastest mile EVER and eat some sensible meals. However, I've been off of the raw diet this week. I just couldn't get my shit together. But that doesn't bother me much. My tummy had some trouble, but in the long run, it's not a big deal. I'll get back to it when my husband returns and I regain a few brain cells.
Overall, I'm very happy with my current state of health. I feel like there is a lot of flow and flexibility in my diet as well as in my exercise schedule. I'm gearing up for the Warrior Dash this coming Sunday and another 5K on the 28th of April. These little athletic events help me stay focused and committed to my work outs. Plus, they're just plain FUN. And we could all use a little more of that in our lives, right?
To be honest, I have no memory of the past week. Its been busy. My husband is out of town again and I'm doing a lot of things on auto pilot. Luckily, I'm not eating on auto pilot and I continue to attend my boot camp classes. I lost one pound this week - I seem to be on the "slowly but surely" track this month. Big steps or little steps - it doesn't matter as long as I'm moving.
Okay... I do remember a few things from the week, like peeing a little in my pants while doing jumping jacks. They call it "exercise induced temporary incontinence" - I looked it up. You know what I call it? "My hoo-hah had two babies - what do you expect?" So, now kegels are on the the to nightly to-do list.
to do before bed:
Pee, check. (That one's easy.)
Wash face and hands, check.
Brush teeth, check.
Kegel, check.
Or better yet, Kegel while you brush. Hey, that kind of goes to the tune of "Whistle while you work" from Snow White. Peeing in my pants - just one more awesome side affect of pregnancy and delivery. I'll add it to my ongoing list, which I've titled "The Parade of Indignities." Isn't motherhood glamorous?
In fact, let's just take a listen shall we? Just mentally replace "whistle" with "kegel".
Pounds lost this week: 1
Total pounds lost: 38
The "I Did It" List
juiced in the mornings
ate sensibly sized meals consisting of mostly fruits and veggies
went to a Sunday brunch and shared a piece of pie instead of eating two pieces alone
two days of boot camp
sewed a pair of pants for my son. (Wait, that has nothing to do with weight loss - sorry.)
What are my expectations? I want to be a smaller, stronger version of myself. That is all. I do not have the kind of build that lends itself to "skinny" or "lithe" or "willowy". Let's be real. I've had two children and I am six feet tall with shoulders like a Redwood. I have lots of beautiful, healthy, willowy friends and their body type is just that - a body type. Today, while sweating it out in the plank position during boot camp, I envisioned what I might look like in a bathing suit if I hang with this new exercise regimen. And it looks like...
I spent the week sans husband. It was a tough week on my own with two little ones, but I managed to start something BIG: boot camp. I've been wanting to kick my weight loss into high gear - waiting for the right time. But as we all know, if we wait for the "right time", it never comes. I had my first boot camp class on Friday. I'll be going twice a week to start and then we'll see where that leads.
I'm also back at the walking routine. I've found a lovely two mile loop in my neighborhood that follows a local creek. Its a beautiful, tree-lined walk and I can do it with or without a stroller. My plan is to do boot camp on Wednesdays and Fridays with at least two power walks between Saturday and Tuesday.
Food for the week was simple and nutritious -mostly salads and nuts and avocado sandwiches, etc. I caved and had THREE separate Starbucks runs. But when you've got a four year old asking 5.8 questions a second and a 15 month old on the verge of a leaky diaper, you need something to keep you sane. So this week, caffeine and sugar came to the rescue.
Pounds lost this week: 2
Total pounds lost: 39
The "I Did It" List
began boot camp classes
ate healthy meals
replaced water for most beverages
juiced (green lemonade) most mornings
took care of the boys on my own for 6 days without strangling anyone
I want to change things up with my exercise routine,
so I've decided to go to boot camp.
Not that kind of boot camp:
This kind of boot camp:
There's an instructor who runs a mommy centered boot camp just three blocks from my house and she also offers a free baby sitting co-op. How could I pass it up? Well, I couldn't. I've signed up for a full month of classes. If November goes well, I'll keep at it. If I hate it.. well, I'm not above announcing my wimpy-ness to the world and quitting. Wish me luck. My physical assessment is tomorrow and then I go two days a week starting next week. Boo-yah!
Do you know what I'm looking forward to? Being able to blog here more frequently. In order for that to happen, my sweet Charlie needs to fully recover from surgery and reestablish a good sleep cycle. My son has been doing beautifully this past week and I'm blown away every day at his resilience and vigorous come-back. My husband and I are none-the-less, totally wiped out from the sleepless nights.
Luckily, I'm maintaining my summer weight loss. I'm not losing necessarily, but I'm not packing it on either. I've spent the week eating healthy meals, with at least one fully raw meal a day. I've also been making good use of my juicer, in an attempt to flood my system with live enzymes and fresh nutrients. I have to say, I do feel better. I'm still exhausted from the sleep deprivation, but I have energy stores when I need them.
Why am I not losing any weight if I'm eating healthy meals? It's amazing how one mindless snack a day can jeopardize my weight loss. There usually comes a point every day in the past two or three weeks where I black out for a minute and eat a handful of chips or grab a small frothy coffee drink or finish off my kid's macaroni and cheese. These little trespasses keep me from losing. They are badly timed, ill-combined and usually lacking in any kind of nutrient. So, finding ways to successfully push through these snacky moments will be paramount in the coming month if I am to break through.
One really wonderful thing to come out of this surgery, besides my son's continued health and recovery from Craniosynostosis, is that I'm better able to prioritize. When you've got a sick kiddo, things become very clear. Menial tasks and petty bull-honkey take a back seat. I'm happy to have a clear vision for the weeks ahead and a big part of that vision is reconnecting with my walking / exercise schedule and fine tuning my eating regimen. Thanks again, all, for still being here, reading my blog and supporting me in my journey.
I woke up this morning with a runny nose. I was up all night with my 10 month old, Charlie, who is also suffering from a allergies. My husband was also up at 3:30am without returning to sleep. No rest for the weary. I thought, "There is no way that I'm going for a walk this morning. I'm beat." While I was in the bathroom I stepped on the scale to find that I've lost another pound over the past three days. Then I peeked over the edge of Charlie's bed to see him sleeping soundly under his flannel blanket.
Many of you know that my son Charlie is a stroke survivor. He had a grade four stroke in utero and is in the process of overcoming the physical effects of his brain hemorrhage. I was chatting with my Dad yesterday. We talked about my weight loss goal and I said, "In addition to feeling healthy and becoming smaller, losing the weight is about preparing myself for the small possibility that Charlie may not ever walk unassisted. He may be in a wheel chair or need me to carry him during the early years." My Dad laughed and said, "Are you kidding? You need to lose the weight so that you can take off after him in a dead sprint when he runs away from you into the street. That kid is going to leave you in the dust if you don't drop a few." I'm so lucky to have positive, funny, wonderful people in my life. Thanks Dad! So, Charlie, the race is on - hit me with your best shot. I promise to get out of bed every day and go walking so that when you're ready to start sprinting, I'll be right behind you!
P.S. This morning's playlist was a shuffle of Beyonce, Cake, Nelly Furtado, Madonna and Christina Aguilera. When I came home from my two-mile walk, Charlie was still asleep.
