Sep 24, 2012

Check in - Week 68

I once read that perfectionism is self abuse of the highest order.  It's true that one of my less than admirable traits is a "little miss perfect" strain that causes me to hold myself to an unachievable standard.  And when I inevitably fall short of that impossible goal post, I do get down on myself a bit.  Its not an overwhelming part of my life, but its presence must be dealt with.

I would like to say for the record here that while I acknowledge this character flaw, my perfectionism is an internal struggle against myself and not for public consumption. I have never pretended to be perfect here at Smaller Sarah or at my other blog, for that matter. When I write and blog, I am honest and forthcoming about my life and my environment. I have never created a false image or misled my readers by painting a perfect picture of a life that doesn't reflect my real circumstances. I am by nature, an upbeat person with a very sunny outlook.  My positivity is not spin. It is simply who I am.  From day one, this blog has been about accountability and motivation.  And I am here today, still marching forward with the same intention: to stay connected to my goal of a healthy life, to be accountable for my actions and to stay inspired.

Since my little breakdown, I've been very careful with my energy and my time. I am still attending boot camp classes and I am resting. I am not eating as well as I could be, but I'm also not resorting to any fast food shenanigans either.  I'm in an intentional state of limbo, waiting to make any big moves until my life settles a bit.

This week, my son Charlie was fitted with orthotic leg braces (for those of you who are new to my blog, he has cerebral palsy and you can read about him HERE). He is also in a feeding class for children who cannot consume food unassisted or eat solids. We are attending 7 therapy sessions a week and I just found out that he needs oral surgery soon (nothing major, no worries). My world is revolving around Charlie right now and there is very little time for green smoothies and meditative moments. But I'm trying. Some days are better than others.  My goal is to remain connected, calm and healthy - in that order.  This week I hit all three.  So, all in all, it was a good week.  Not perfect, but even better - it was good.


Katy said...

I enjoy reading your blog. Can't remember how I found it, your writing is wonderful! I've been journaling a lot by pen and paper - I hope it's therapeutic for you to be "real" in cyberspace. Either way, your documentation of life is very similar to the way I think as well!

Connie said...

They're called coping skills. And by golly, thank goodness you have them. I like to think maybe you got them from me, I got them from my mom and I'm sure she got them from Baba. Not everyone takes the time to learn to work with those tools. It's not easy to take responsibility for your own life. Sometimes it's easier to blame or feel like a victim. But really, it's your gift. Life is a gift, your gift. Embrace it. You are amazing. You can always pick yourself up. I've watched you do it for years.