Its an overwhelming experience, isn't it?
Last night I was up with a cranky two-year-old at an hour when he's usually sleeping and I am having a little "me" time, which usually involves mindlessly scanning Facebook over a glass of cheap white wine. But instead of clicking the "like" button and sipping Chardonay I rocked a sobbing baby into a state of exhaustion until he finally flopped off to sleep.
But you know what? Rocking the baby down was good for me. A little reminder that yes, life if overwhelming, but eventually the screaming will pass and for a glimmer of a moment, you get to hold your silent, sleeping child and feel the rise and fall of his chest against yours, grateful for the peace he feels.
This morning, the alarm went off at 6am. After lying in bed for 10 minutes deciding weather or not to go to my exercise class, I threw on my running shoes and headed out the door. I wasn't alert. I wasn't pretty. And I certainly wasn't motivated to work out. But you know what? Alertness, attractiveness and motivation - these are not class requirements. All that matters is that I show up. Show up at my son's bedroom door when he screams in the night. Show up to my work out class in the dark morning hours. Show up to therapy. Show up to preschool.
This is my new normal.
That's okay. Just show up.