Building the New

Today, after more than three months without real continuous exercise, I returned to class at Positively Fit Lake Highlands. Dragging myself out of bed was tough, but rummaging through my closet for workout clothes that still fit was the hardest and most humiliating part of the process. I was feeling defeated and embarrassed because I've allowed so much weight to creep back over the past season. I was feeling angry at having to start over. I was feeling stupid for having thrown away all of my "fat" jeans. I was feeling resentful of my children for requiring so much of my time that my own needs have slipped into seventh or eighth place in the family line-up. I was feeling sorry and exasperated and weak and all of the things that come with my special form of self-loathing.

Stop.   Breathe.   Stop fighting old thoughts.   It's time to rebuild.

Yes, class was difficult. I was winded and out of sorts. But I was happy to be with Mallory (friend and class instructor), working out and talking about strength training, energy stores, family vacations, musical theater and open-hearted children. She said, "You're not beginning again, you are continuing." She's right. I've had a few months off. But in the course of what I hope is a long life, what's a few months? It's time to press on. I'm not a beginner anymore, I'm a continuer.